WEEKLY THOUGHTS #2
Today I woke up with a sense of tiredness. I listened to my inner voice saying: “Wake up, it’s already 5:30, and you are already awake, so go and do your morning practice.“ I paused and wanted to tell myself 3 positive things for my gratitude practice. After the first one, I could barely say something. I thought, “my God, what is happening? Yesterday, I had a great day. Today, nothing serious is happening, no calls nothing, what is going on?” So, I got up, put my leggings on and went to the mat. I realised that today’s practice will be more about my mind because I heard that noise. I sat down and did 10 minutes of meditation. My legs cross, palms open on my knees and deep breaths. It didn’t work! I started to feel very uncomfortable. I felt heaviness through my whole body and in my head so I started to talk to myself and towards the Universe. (Just a quick note: I am generally the “universe believer” as I found it the most convenient way of joining my scientific background with what I call the unknown. So, yes, I am faithful, but not in the general sense of a religion like Buddhism, Christianity or whatever else.) My questions were:
What the hell is happening?
Why am I so nervous?
What is this heaviness all about?
Why am I feeling like this?
I got a quick answer, as usual. “Be patient”, after a period of cunning laughter. I felt intrigued that he is laughing at me. A bit of sarcasm was also there. So, I gave up. I went to take a shower and prepare breakfast. It was still in my head because I knew what is gonna happen today, and I was not eagerly stepping into the day. Eggs with bread and black tea were on the table. My partner realised that something is not correct when I spent too much time looking through the window and watching squirrels chasing each other. He looked at me and asked: “Babe, what’s the matter? Be happy.” He caught me. Relentlessly I looked at him and said: ”I am tired. It is too much of trying and doing this work tirelessly.” Watching the squirrels has two advantages:
We don’t need TV because all seasons of nature are streamed behind our windows.
Looking through the window provides mental support and acts like an opener for my mind.
After like 5 minutes, I finally understood what is the matter today. Of today’s weekly thoughts. I continued with my day and I usually read in the morning the book I am currently into. This one is called: “Think and grow rich.” from Napoleon Hill. It’s a book about how to change our mindset about money and how to think differently than just chasing the 9-5 time job. The first sentence hit me hard as it was the title of my day.
“One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat. Every person is guilty of this mistake at one time or another.”
Now, I understand why the Universe was laughing at me. You know, or you may not know but, now, you will know, that I am quite an impatient person. It took me a bunch of time (especially with the help of my partner) to understand that a huge part of our life is filled with nothing more than just waiting. I remember I hated this statement. Always. To wait. I always wanted everything right at the time and my father was always the one saying: “Be patient, you need to wait for this.” Now, the Universe and my partner both are saying be patient, you need to wait for this! Isn’t it crazy? Why can’t we just get what we want?
I believe, on one hand, I am not as patient as my partner or father but on the other hand, I also think that if it would work like this, the world would be crazy. So, my answer is here, right?
So, what I can provide you as a thought for the week is this. Even when you are f@*&^%$ up and you don’t know what is going on, or you are impatient as me, or you want to be somewhere else or whatever, there is one principle according to which you can play and kick these “feeling/emotions/thoughts away, kinda. I call it “Call it the good one”. I figured out that my days are mostly working in a sequence of sinusoids. A sinusoid is a mathematical representation of something, which looks like a wave, like this:
Ref.: https://www.math.net/sinusoidal
And, my days are conditioned upon this simple math. If you look at the graph, starting with 0, you see one peak up, going doooown then something like a pie, and a bottom peak. This is the basic principle that governs my days. One day is the peak UP and right another one is the peak DOWN. It took me some time to realise that this is actually happening in my life and I wanted to be sure it is not just some random stuff going on. It seems it wasn’t. I spend half a year observing myself. I figured it out! It is just another f@*&^%$ up day! Then, I stopped and I realised, based on my knowledge and calculations, at least 365/2 days would be f@*&^%$ up, in fact. And that terrified me! Am I spending half a year and sometimes maybe more in depression? Bad feelings? Whoa.
So, what is this “Call it the good one” then? Well, as soon as I realised that I want to feel more good than bad most of the time, I have to do something. I said to myself, “….alright, I know that there is something called neuroplasticity of the brain and that I can trick it somehow, even though it knows simple math, so what if I will tell my brain, that this day, which s supposed to be a “bad” one, I will tell no, you are mistaken and it is the “good” one?
Will it work?” I tried..and it did, my friend. I cannot say it is working well all the time, but for me, 70% of the time is a good proportion. “Call it a good one” is a good start. And how? I figured out that I just need to act as if the luck of a good day is today. That’s it. Try it and maybe you’ll be surprised.
Take care.
Love & hugs,
ZlatkaK
