WEEKLY THOUGHTS #8
Do you know the feeling when someone is with you but never actually is with you? I know this feeling very well as yesterday after waking up I was listening to a podcast by Patrice Washington: How To Stop Romanticizing Reality.
Credit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yL0sXOXXFo
I truly admire this woman. I really do. She has the right point to point out on her podcast and to be honest, I don’t know how she is doing this, but every time I am struggling with something, her podcast has the answer. She is a miraculous woman and not because she is a religious person but for her ability to see things as they are, and not blindly believe everything that somebody is saying to her. I mean, if I’d meet her I would bow in front of her because of her power and energy that is flowing from her voice that hides the goddess that you can listen to and know, that it is true and that everything will be okay. Her calm and peaceful voice has the power to calm you but also to slap you in the face when you need it. That is what Patrice is for me and because of her help, I was able to realise many mistakes I was doing, because I was not honouring my person and personality enough. I encourage anybody to start to listen to her podcast at least once because I cannot say more about how much I appreciate her thoughts about different pillars in our life.
Yesterday’s podcast was about how to build our own value system and how to allow just the right things and people into our life with our permission. When I woke up, I felt a bit angry, that my partner is not waking up. I wanted to prepare my breakfast and start our day, but somehow nothing felt fit at the moment. I was unable to do a workout, I was not able to make my breakfast and I felt like he “betrayed” me. I know it sounds silly, but it felt so real to me. In my head. After a couple of moments, I washed my face and put a cream on it. Then I walked into our kitchen and stopped for a moment and asked myself: “What the hell I am doing? I am waiting for permission to have breakfast alone. To do something alone? No, no, no, no, no!" I realised that I was not angry with him, but for myself, that I am not able to do something for me. That I do not naturally take care of myself first! And then, I realised I have to do something I did not do for a long time. And it came to me very clearly, fast. I knew it. “I want to listen to the podcast as I always did in the morning.” So, I did. I put on my headphones and readily with a spark of joy I rushed to list the episode that would hit me for today. It was there, waiting for me.
That was it. Just that. I prepared my breakfast and listened to the blessings of Patrice’s words. I took my notebook and wrote down things when given as a guide. As I wrote, this episode was about how to build your own value system. Patrice gave serious workflow on how to choose what is “ours” and what is certainly not. She talked about where she had to revalue the things she valued before but it no longer serves her and her life right now. What is our process for processing? Mine, to be honest, is always thinking deeply. Sometimes, too much deeply that I do not know how to come back. I need to walk and process observation with my feelings.
What do I feel at this moment?
When I think about this thing how do I feel, where do I feel it?
Do I feel tinkling or tense?
For example, I have two cats, and I realised that any time one starts to meow in the morning my head starts to hurt. It is giving me direct punch from the morning. With our cats, I realised I am not a children person. And that is fine, because now, I can understand, why my head is sometimes hurting. Because unconsciously I just feel the pressure of taking care of someone unconditionally. And I do not like it. Because I was doing it all the time and it drains me out of energy.
Patrice also talked about how we create too much space for others to rule our life, what you should do, how you should dress who you need to marry or what you should eat. The thing of creating too much space for others hit me really hard because I realised how much time I spend on others, not honouring my own self-value. Always being there for others, always supporting them 120% with all my resources. After these years I felt like a squeezed dried lemon that is useless, ready to go to the trash. I know I have to do something about it now. What we all can do about this, if you are feeling the same, is you can build your own values.
Your own walls through which nobody can cross unless you take one brick out to let them talk to see you.
I love this idea because if we have such a system, I believe we will be unbreakable. For example, if someone is saying you should like pink, pink is gorgeous, but you hate pink, you can just say, “I don’t like it.” And the conversation is over. I love this idea because you know where is your stop.
One important thing that I learnt from this episode is, that no matter who is crossing our borderline, your red light, your aura or whatever, he does not honour your person.
HE DOES NOT HONOUR YOUR PERSON!
And this person, whether it is your friend, boyfriend, husband, mother, father, or whoever must be treated like it is a random person on the street. Patrice said it is very good, that “you also do not tell all your secrets and do not give permission to go to your house for a stranger on the street.” Why? because he does not honour your person. And if a person you know, love, and admire, does do the same, then he crossed the line. There is no place for this person. There is no place for discussion. It is over.
There is a space just for people who see you, who honour you, who love you and who want the best for you, but they take care of themselves as well. Those are the people that should be in your life. Even if it is one person. It does not matter. They do not rush you, do not betray you and do not cross your line. And that is important. They do not do it because they love you, very very much.
I mean, how crazy and so much liberating is this? You can literally say, what you want, who you talk to and without any hesitation, be yourself. Honour yourself. Because making barriers between you and others is the best you can do to protect yourself and others. I realised this, and I hope you do too. Please, please, listen to this episode and leave a comment, what do you think.
I hope it will help you to find yourself and build some resilience that we all need.
Take care.
Love & hugs,
ZlatkaK
