WEEKLY THOUGHTS #10
It’s now 10th week and I am finding myself here, writing to the computer things I think might be helpful for you. I am convinced that if you find time for yourself, many things in your life can change. It is happening, all of the time and as I was writing in weekly thoughts before, it is about the will, the belief and the persistence (discipline). Now, I think there is really not much more into it, but few days ago, I saw a danish movie, where a boy was shaped by the circumstances in his life and he succumb to conviction that he needs a revenge. One moment in his life predicted the whole next, at least 20-30 years of his story. Then he kidnapped the women that was the “reason” to his suffering and he kept her inside a pressure chamber for 5 years, each year upleveling the pressure.
Why I am telling you this? Well, I am not trying to spoil a good movie to you, but let me explain, continue reading. Many of us, if not all of us, have some issues in our lifes that are happening in a similar way. We grew up in a difficult situation, maybe you grew up without a parent, maybe without both or maybe you had parents, that were either taking care of you properly or maybe not. In any case each of us has something written in the story of our childhood that already happened. Things happened in our past in the vast majority of the time shape how we communicate nowadays with the rest of the world and how we perceive it, how we reflect on it. It makes me think..Don’t you think that we are blind for these reasons? If, for example, your mather told you that blond girls just want your money (because she had a bad experience with a blondie) and you should never get in touch with them and now, 20-30 years later, you are attracted to a brownish tall beatutiful women, isn’t it a manipulation? In any case, either it is or not, we and only we are making the decision about something done. We are putting it black and white on the paper.
I think that nowadays, the old habits that shaped our childhood were not meant to serve us forever. They were somehow a defence mechanism that was keeping us safe when we were children. Nowadays, we are older and we know that not all blondies want your money. Not all people are just bad, not all people are just mean, not all people are just taking an advantage of you. I think that most of us is just lost in the field of the old truths and we don’t know where is the north.
So, what can we do about it? I tried many things in searching for my own truth and many times I failed. But there were times when it helped me because I understood something new about myself. Most of the time it was very simple. I think that many times the simplest solution is the right solution as the nature is not trying to **** with us. The simplest solution is most of the time overlooked and maybe it will surprise you when I will tell you that the only thing that you need is to listen. I already talked about this topic in the WT#6 (“Listen. Listen carefully. Listen like there is nothing more important in your life than just listening to the words of the other party.“). Having the ability to listen is a gift. Listening, not meant to be the listening just of a outer voices but here, I will use the proverb of the inner voice. This listening takes a little practice but I assure you that once you start you won’t let go of it so easily. I can understand that it can be quite confusing for you right now, that listening to yourself is actually what you are doing, but is it? Are you listening activelly? Are you listening with compassion and with the love towards yourself? Or it sounds like: “Ahh, I shouldn’t do it, he will not like it!“ or, “Maybe I can do this I heard she really is into this one and I can handle it for once.“ Sometimes, there is nothing wrong to do something for someone but never let it go beyond your own borders.
THese borders are the basis of your being. THe rules of your own kingdom.
There is nothing wrong with that, really. I do nice stuff for people daily, but before I do something I ask myself if it is really something that is not in fight with some of my own truths. If for example, you do not agree with the Christianity and your friend asked you to see the singing where she performs, there is nothing wring with it, if you go to make her feel supported as a friend. On the other hand, if we take the same example, she invited you to listen to go to the confession and it is against our own rules, why would you go there if just to make her fell better? There is no point in crossing our own zones, our own rules.
There is an advantage of this all. Having borders will give you space to breath. Listening to your own needs and traumas that arose from childhood and creating borders are not bad, they just need to be listened because what happened 20 years ago, is hardly to change. But what we cna change is what we do today, here and now.
I hope, you will find your own borders and I am truly listening to you if you need help with this. We don’t need to be on these things alone. In the end, we are just 7 billion ants on a big blue planet.
Take care.
Love & hugs,
ZlatkaK
